All you need is a pretty song

I've never wanted anything so badly. I know things will be okay in the end; I know God wants me to have this particular thing (that I can't say yet what lest I count my chickens before they hatch). It just breaks my heart a little - the vastness of the difference between yesterday's triumphant giddiness and today's icy disappointment. It doesn't help that I talked to my mom and all she said was to make sure all the kinks are ironed out. I wanted her to tell me how, to step in and say, it's okay, I'll take care of everything. But I know that's impossible. And inconsiderate and immature and lazy of me.

Tomorrow's another day.

Think about those books you read and
I wonder if they make you think about me




I've been reading Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything and I can't put it down! I wish I didn't have to. I keep wishing I could call in sick and just stay in bed and read it from cover to cover and memorize random facts about anything.

My first job when I got here was in a company that imported goods (knicknacks, pretty little figurines) from China and supplied them to various retailers. I worked in a little office separated by a thin sheet of glass from the warehouse. I was the only female. My particular task was to input data about various items onto a database. One day my boss asked me to input measurements for some items that just came in. The measurements, he went on, were in centimeters so I had to convert to inches. I just kept nodding yes, and at that point, he probably thought I wasn't even listening to him.

Boss: These measurements are in centimeters and you have to convert them to inches.
Me: Yes.
Boss: Before you input them on the computer.
Me: Okay.
Boss: You have to use the calculator.
Me: Okay.
Boss: Do you know how many centimeters are in an inch?
Me: Yes.
Boss (already thinking of the best way to fire a poor little short Filipino girl): How many?
Me (trying to keep a straight face and the Chariots of Fire theme out of my head): 2.54 cm..!

He looked at me then with utter amazement and afterwards treated me like a daughter and didn't say anthing about my flimsy reason for not being able to work there anymore a week later and only said that I shouldn't be working in a warehouse anyway.

My point is, tiny little bits of fact picked up from high school or Jeopardy or an excellent book like A Short History can worm their way into your brain and no matter how unlikely, might be of great use someday.

This is a test of the emergency broadcast system

FOR a moment, a standoff at Philippine marine headquarters appeared to be heading for a "people power" revolt, complete with military infighting, nuns and priests praying in the chaos and the arrival of pro-democracy icon Corazon Aquino.

But the wrangling marines settled their spat Sunday then retired together to their headquarters as Aquino and a small crowd quietly faded into the night.

It was the latest upheaval hurdled by beleaguered President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, who has faced a series of crises during her five years in office.

After failing to either impeach Arroyo over corruption and vote-rigging scandals that emerged last year or whip up a repeat of the historic "people power" revolts that ousted dictator Ferdinand Marcos and popular leader Joseph Estrada, the deeply fragmented opposition has few options remaining.

The biggest drawback remains the opposition's failure to find an alternative leader who could inspire a following large enough to endanger her.

A key leader of the massive protests that ousted predecessor Estrada in 2001, Arroyo knows how to navigate the political minefields that come with being president of the Philippines.

She has cracked down on street protests and hired a top-notch PR consultant to polish her image. She has barred Cabinet officials from testifying at Senate corruption investigations without her permission.

Many thought the flashpoint might come Friday, the D-day of a reported civilian-backed coup plot that has simmered for months.

Others thought Sunday -- when a marine colonel openly defied a military decision to relieve the top marine commander and urged Filipinos to gather en masse and protect them in their camp -- would be the final straw.

Both fizzled -- the first in a security clampdown that left no chance for military activism, the other when only a few thousand people showed up, well shorts of the hundreds of thousands that turned out for "people power."

After pre-empting the reported coup, Arroyo declared a state of national emergency, shifting to a tougher stance against tenacious opponents. At least three of her critics were arrested and police raided the office of a newspaper critical of her.

-- from the Inquirer

Darlin' don't you go and cut your hair

I finally got a haircut. My last one may have been a year ago, I don't even remember. This is the longest I've ever grown my hair. From being almost waistlength, it is now short and perky and ultra-layered. I went to the drugstore on Wednesday to buy a ton of hair products just for the heck of it.







I got the haircut for free because it's for a good cause.

Also, Target's GO International campaign features Luella Bartley this month. I got a sweet navy blue shirtdress that is so cute it almost trumped last month's best buy (peach Banana Republic slacks for $2.99!).

I've been tagged

1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of his/her perfect lover.
2. Need to mention the sex of the target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment on their comments saying they've been tagged.
4. If tagged the 2nd time, theres no need to post again.

I've been having a really hard time coming up with 8 (eight!) things I want in a perfect lover. I'm sorry, Jeline. I don't mean to be rude by not posting anything. I guess I've just had a total attitude turn-around with regards to relationships. When I was younger I used to be very specific about what I wanted in a guy, i.e. he needs to be 1)left-handed 2)attractive 3)intelligent, and 4)he should know how to sing or at the very least carry a tune.

The audacity of it hasn't escaped me - that I could require all these from someone when I myself am surrounded by neuroses. So over the years, I've tried to let go of rigid standards, but not until recently have I discovered that I don't see the point in them anymore. I've been telling my friends that I wish I could be less critical and dismissive and more open, and just like that I'm finding out that I could be all that.

I just think it'd be a bit ridiculous/unfair to list qualities that I know my guy doesn't have. I really really wish he liked Broken Social Scene too. I gave him The Mix CD - you know, the one that took me weeks to make, that I was going to give to the boy. He listened to it maybe once, twice and dismissed Gainsbourg's Je T'aime Moi Non Plus as gibberish. But maybe I don't really mind that much. I'll trade that for the fact that he likes doing my laundry with me.

I tag Drey, Bodge, Kathy, Deo, Nikki, Karen, Tina, Cynthia.

My problem with me is my problem with you

It's 4:15 pm, and my day's just begun. I've been on the phone with various people on and off for four hours. That's weird for someone who hates using the phone. I'm tired. I have to do my laundry and listen to a couple of songs and clean my room and pay my bills. I might muster enough energy to go out for dinner.

Something my friend said struck me. She said love is a choice you make, not a feeling. I thought about it for a while and realized with a sinking feeling how true it is.

Happy

I wanted to redesign before I posted my first post for the year. But, oh well. I guess this will have to do until I get the time to pick out a new splash picture and color theme (Maybe yellow?).

Christmas and New Year's was great. My friend Mario came over from Rhode Island to spend the New Year's Eve week-end with me. With Christmas shopping and everything, I didn't get to make a trip itinerary for him, but he reassured me that there was no reason to get stressed, that we'd just go wherever we felt like going.

On holiday Monday, we found ourselves with tickets to Bingo, an off Broadway show. We had no idea what it was about, but it was one of five shows left on TKTS' roster. It's a small show, with only about seven characters, and the blurb is ho-hum, but Mario and I enjoyed it immensely. Too bad the girl who plays the daughter is leaving for Broadway show Ring of Fire, because she had the most amazing voice. The show is held in St. Luke's Church, which was a more intimate setting and a great place for a musical.

Before the show, we went into Colony, a sheet music and karaoke store on 49th and Broadway. I got sheet music for Avenue Q and Ben Folds' Rockin' the Suburbs, and was agonizing over having to return Piano Stylings of the Great Standards because I was spending too much money, when Mario snuck up behind me at the register and said he was going to buy it for me for Christmas. I think this is my favorite Christmas gift. It has sweeping arrangements of All the Things You Are, As Time Goes By, Blue Moon and others, you know, for when I finally achieve my childhood dream of being a lounge pianist.

Also, besides being a great friend, Mario is going to be the hero of tropical diseases. He's at Brown to study schistosomiasis, a parasitic disease carried by snails found in the waters of Central Visayas in the Philippines. The disease is being propagated in a vicious cycle in poor rural communities because the main source of water is contaminated and the residents can't afford to get water elsewhere. Japan got rid of the disease by economic development - wetlands were drained and reclaimed, river bottoms were dredged - but the Philippines can't afford to do that. Schisto doesn't get as much publicity, because the symptoms aren't immediately visible and aren't as dramatic as other diseases. But a few scientists are trying to look for a cure as an alternative to massive engineering projects that would require a lot of money.