How to be dead

It's not that I've lost interest. It's just that I haven't felt like writing lately. True, one reason may be that I have things going on that are keeping me away from my keyboard. But then again, maybe I've just found other equally time-consuming diversionary tactics. I've seen tons of movies this week. I'm finally beginning to reach my optimum netflix turnover. I've played every cheesy pop song from the 90's on the piano. I spent two nights going through every guitar tab I've saved on my computer. More often than not I find myself having to force myself to face the issues. I think the only reason I'm blogging right now is that I'm supposed to be looking at schools. And so here I am, taking quizzes like my life depended on it, rather than focusing on the things that my life actually depends on. I will forever be a procrastrinator.

At least I've found out things about myself. That frees up my soul-searching week-ends for laundry and other practical diversions. This is what I've found out so far:

1. I am Pulp Fiction's Jimmy. You're just a regular everyday kinda guy, stuck in a movie about drugs. What are you doing here? You're uptight and worry too much, but have good motives. You are generous and hospitable.
2. You're Mother Night by Kurt Vonnegut. Nobody knows what to believe about you, and you know least of all. You spent most of your time convinced that the ends justify the means, but your means were, well, downright mean! And the end is nigh. Meanwhile all you want is to travel back in time, if not to change, then to just delight in the way it used to be. You are who you pretend to be. Oh yes, you're the great pretender.
3. You're Libya! It seems that these days, you just say things to get attention. Shock value is the really important thing for you now. You used to have
a cause, and this made you seem like a threat to the established order, but now you
just want to say wacky stuff once in a while. Air travel doesn't really mesh
with your lifestyle, and you'd probably scare the security guards somehow
anyway.
4. My inner child is sixteen years old today. Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while adults might just accept that, I know something's gotta change. And it's gonna change, just as soon as I become an adult and get some power of my own.
5. The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot. God, you're indecisive. You're not that great, but you don't know if you want to accept that. You appreciate beauty and observe things others may not, but you're also hopelessly impaled on your own foolish romanticism. Go you.
6. You Should Date A Swede! You're a romantic, albeit an understated and practical one. It's more about a steady partnership for you, not unrestrained falling. Your Swede will give you the unwavering love you crave while making up some mean pancakes and meatballs on the side!
7. You Are Big Black Boots! You can be best described as: attitude. You've got lots of it - and you love to give it. A guy has to be pretty gusty to hit on you. But if he's your type, you'll warm up... a little.
8. You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy. When a guy gets to know you, he finds a great catch. Problem is... you're too shy for most guys to get to know.
From meeting someone to dating, you usually have your guard up. And while you're just holding back, it makes you seem like you've got something to hide.
9. You're like the nucleus of the cell! You know everything because you contain all of the cell's information for building proteins in the form of DNA. Isn't that cool?
10. You're a Speak & Spell!! You nerd, you. Just because you were disguised as a toy doesn't mean you weren't educational, you sneaky bastard.
11. You are a GRAMMAR GOD! If your mission in life is not already to preserve the English tongue, it should be. Congratulations and thank you!
12. You're ASSHOLE.
13. Weapons are not your thing. You would prefer to pummel your opponent to death with your fists and feet. You show a lot of Honor but some power still eludes you. I can give you this power, I can make you stronger, join me.
14. You are a packet of soy sauce. No, not a bottle, and not real soy sauce, but that flavored colored, salt water they call soy sauce. You're not giving life your all, are you? Somethings holding you back. Somethings keeping you form truly being happy. You've been diluted. Not the true you. Find what's distilled you, and be real soy sauce one day.
15. Your Lip Gloss Flavor Is: Cotton Candy. You're a total girly girl who's every guy is sweet on. You take pleasure in the simple things in life, from cute t-shirts to stuffed animals. Any guy needs to match your romantic idealism to win your heart, which is why few have. No wonder Cotton Candy is your signature flavor. It's delicious, sugary, and fun - like you!
16. You Are 60% Left Brained, 40% Right Brained. The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.
17. Your Brain is 53.33% Female, 46.67% Male. Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female. You are both sensitive and savvy. Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed. But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve.

So there. That should save me about a year's worth of therapy. Some are so accurate, it's scary. Some are vague. Some are useful (finally, a clue as to what my mission in life is). Some remind me of high school. And ah yes, some light is shed on how I should vanquish my foes. Some are downright untrue (Hello, number 15).

Meanwhile, I shall go and be real soy sauce.

Tons of quizzes at blogthings.com, yournewromance.com, quizdiva.net.