Sana...



...magkasingkulay ang drama at tunay na buhay ko.

They don't pay us enough for this

After a half hour wait in the freezing cold at the Brooklyn Army Terminal, my mates and I picked up a fourth warm body and drove into the city while frantically attempting to thaw out our appendages. Props to those who waited for the next ferry, yo.

More on how folks deal with the first transit strike in NY since 1980.

You can't make someone love you with a song

This week-end I'm going to meet up with a few friends (and teachers!) from high school. There'll be a lot of catching up to do. I'm taking the plane to Virginia, but commuting by bus from D.C. back to New York on one of those Chinatown buses. It cost me 20 bucks as opposed to the $289 air fare. I hope I won't be too bored on the ride, though.

But seeing as I've taken up Sudoku I think I'll be scribbling numbers like a maniac. Last night I did 15 puzzles, wired on coffee and adrenaline. It's highly addictive, so click the link at your own risk.

I've only been Christmas shopping in my mind, so I'm not really sure when I'm going to get all this done, but I'm excited about my gifts this year. I'm giving out a family gift, i.e. one gift per family, but I think everyone's going to love it. If I had a collar, I'm popping it right about now.

I just figured out why I haven't been able to run my iTunes. I have to log in with my password every time I use it and authorize some songs that I bought off the music store. I've only just uploaded a couple of CDs that I got from the Philippines. The itchyworms' Noontime Show is hilarious. I always laugh out loud when I hear Production Number like I'm listening to it for the first time.

And as I'm proctrastinating, here's the iTunes meme.

How many songs?
3,889

Sort by song title:
First: 'Cross the Breeze - Sonic Youth
Last: Zurich is Stained - Pavement

Sort by time:
Shortest: 18 - Imago (0:06)
Longest: Waters of March - David Byrne (19:25)

Sort by album:
First: Love Is Here - Blossom Dearie
Last: Words Cannot Describe - Mirah

Top Five Most Played Songs:
Certain people are going to laugh, and/or lose any respect they may have had for me
1. My Girlfriend's Boyfriend - Her Space Holiday (22 times)
2. Silent All These Years - Tori Amos (21 times)
3. How Did You Know? - Ciudad (20 times)
4. Goodbye to Love - American Music Club (19 times)
5. Kaze Wo Atsumete - Happy End (19 times)

First song that comes up on Shuffle:
Mandy - The Langley Schools Music Project

Find "sex", How many songs come up?
10 Songs

Find "death", How many songs come up?
79 songs

Find "love", How many songs come up?
286 songs

So so so so

Sign that you're back in New York: Today I woke up to a stretch limo outside my doorstep and about 50 people dressed up for a Punjabi wedding. Nahihirapan akong mag-Ingles. I just watched my diving video at natuwa ako kasi di nila inedit out yung bullshit in divespeak sign na ginawa ko underwater na tinuro ng British instructor ko. Kahit napailing yung cameraman nung kinukunan niya kami. I had an awesome time. I got to go scuba diving and snorkelling and I got to hang out with Rocs and Roy. My mom had her 60th birthday. I finally met Smokey, my parents' two-year-old lab. I gorged myself with so much food that I got indigestion. I got to eat lanzones. Quincy and I got pulled over by a cop and we managed to get off without paying anything. I got to see my high school and college classmates. I found my college band's first and only demo that I gave to Ruby. I saw Jeline, Charmaine, and Nash in one afternoon. I got to see Ciudad play even if it was just the last two songs and even if Rhiza had to drive in circles around Remedios Circle. I met a lot of new people. Basta. I had the best time. Thanks everyone. I miss you all.

P.S. Bumili kayo ng its like a magic ng Ciudad ha. May launch sila sa Nov. 18. Punta kayo.

I'm in the Philippines!

Hey. I'm in an internet cafe in Bacolod, typing as fast as I can because my parents are picking me up in five minutes to get coffee at a shop owned by a friend who also sells cactus, that we are buying to bring to the cemetery on All Souls Day. I hope this doesn't cost much. I only have 200 bucks in my wallet right now (about $4)because I didn't get enough money changed.

I'm going to Boracay on Friday and I'll be in Manila next week. Any good gigs on Nov. 10 and 11??? I'm dying to see a band, preferrably Ciudad or itchyworms or Twisted Halo or Sugarfree or Cynthia or anyone!

Gotta go!

Something to do with my hands

Okay, here's one thing that sucks about living in New York. Real estate is too freaking expensive! I was blog-hopping and this guy bought a three-bedroom house built in 2004 in another Eastern state, with a garage and a backyard, for $125K. The house is gorgeous. It's modest, but it's perfect for a first house. Now, what would $125K get you in New York? Hmm, let me see. A studio in Flushing, a vacant lot in the Bronx, a cottage in the Catskills, or a mobile home. Add another zero for a fighting chance. I've been on a few open houses, and a fixer-upper in Queens with a creepy basement was selling for $535K. A two-bedroom condo in my current neighborhood is selling for $549K! Even with the assumption that four people are going to be sharing the mortgage for our dreamhouse, where are we going to find a two-family house near public transportation as none of us have cars (because it's expensive and unnecessary). Oh well. Hence, the age-old dilemma, would I rather be in my own nice townhouse in the middle of nowhere or my rented box in New York?

There is such a thing as a real estate miracle, though.

My dad's shopping list for me:
1. Centrum Silver
2. Vitamin E 300 units
3. Brut aftershave
4. Tea (Lipton or Tetley)
5. Cheese
6. Turkey bacon

Wala bang turkey bacon sa Pilipinas?

Withdrawal



1. Steadier Footing - Death Cab for Cutie
2. Air - The Owls
3. Anthems for A Seventeen Year-Old Girl - Broken Social Scene
4. Chocolate - Snow Patrol
5. One More Hour - Sleater-Kinney
6. Last Goodbye - Jeff Buckley
7. In Between Days (acoustic) - The Cure
8. Move On - Rentals
9. Miss Misery (piano version) - Elliott Smith
10. Entire - The Spinanes
11. Just Pretend - The Bens
12. No Woman No Cry - Bob Marley
13. Alone Again (Naturally) - Gilbert O'Sullivan

Withdrawal

I've been off caffeine for a month now =)

Well, from four cups a day, it's down to my morning mocha, which doesn't even have that much caffeine because it's one of those pre-bottled things from Starbucks.

It's not like I totally quit. I'll have an iced coffee on the week-ends every now and then. But I think a certain someone was jealous of my resolve enough to quit nicotine. Ha!

Why you'd want to live here

Pinag-isipan ko talaga nang matagal, Jeline.

Is living in NY all it's cracked up to be?

I vacillate between wide-eyed wonder (the view from the Brooklyn Bridge at night still takes my breath away) and a sort of jadedness (hay, eto na naman, sasakay na naman ako ng subway at magmamadali at uupo sa desk ko nang walong oras, and on my way home there's going to be another police investigation and I'll be stuck underground for an hour).

Maybe it is that way with Paris or London or Tokyo. I felt that way about Manila when I first moved from Bacolod.

But yeah, I really love living here. I know I wouldn't want to live here forever. Soon I'll be more concerned about my rent money going towards a mortgage than being close to all the "cool" things. I'm going to get increasingly annoyed with being around a lot of people all the time. I'll finally get sick of the commute. New York is not kind to old people.

But for now, if I could be in any American city, it'd still be New York. It just sucks that the people that I'd want to be doing all the things you could do in NY with aren't here.

Tagalog

I miss speaking Tagalog. It's either English or Ilonggo for me nowadays. I have no one to speak Tagalog to, especially on weekdays. At work, I have a habit of saying "Hay naku!" all the time. People must think I'm nuts. So this whole post is going to be in Tagalog. Just for kicks.

Matagal akong hindi nakapagsulat dito kasi abala ako sa maraming bagay. Mga walang kuwentang bagay.

Nung holiday (araw na pangilin ayon sa diksyunaryo sa pangkalawakang sapot) pumunta kami sa Pennsylvania para gumala at magmukhang tanga. Kami po ay sumakay sa balsang gawa sa goma at nagpaanod sa puting tubig. Salbahe yung isa kong kasama at binasa niya lahat ng tao. Wala kaming baril na may tubig sa loob gaya nung ibang mga bata (Ha! Pakiramdam namin ay bata din kami.) pero meron kaming mga timba. Marami kaming kasamang mga estrangherong galing sa iba't ibang landas. Noong una ay ayaw nilang mabasa pero wala silang magawa. Kasi po naman, bakit ka sasakay sa balsang gawa sa goma at magpapaanod sa puting tubig kung wala kang balak mabasa? Meron dun isang nanay na intsik na mukhang maselan at maarte. Sabi niya, "Wag po! wag po!" Kaya sabi namin dun sa isang batang may baril na tubig ang bala, hindi naman makatarungan kung hindi lahat ng tao mabasa. Nung bandang huli, isang balsa na lang yung tuyo kasi masusungit ang mga taong nakasakay dun. Ninakaw ng tatay na intsik yung isa naming timba. Ninakaw niya rin yung baril nung isang bata. Tapos tawa siya nang tawa. Tatlong oras kaming nagpaanod at pagkatapos ay pagod at masaya lahat nang tao maliban dun sa mga masusungit.

Tumigil pala kami sandali para sa pananghalian. Wala kaming dalang pagkain ng mga kaibigan ko kasi akala namin may libreng pananghalian. Kaya maliliit na tilad ng patatas at isang boteng inumin lang ang dali namin. Tig-iisang higop lang kami sa inumin. Ako yung huling humigop sa bote kasi may ubo ako noon. Dahil doon mas lalong naging malapit kami sa isa't isa.

Kanina, masyadong maraming gawain sa opisina. Wala akong ginawa kundi tumakbo. Hindi literal ha. Wala kasi yung isa kong kasama, kaya ako gumawa ng trabaho niya. Wala rin yung isang inaasahan ko palagi, kaya masyado akong abala. Hindi na rin ako nakapagpananghalian. Hindi ko na sasabihin kung ano yung kinain ko kasi mahirap siyang isalin.

Alas siyete na ako nakaalis sa trabaho. Dumaan muna ako sa Daffy's. Sinoli ko yung binili kong damit nung isang araw. Maganda siya at kakaiba pero mas mahal pa siya kesa sa binigay ko sa mga biktima ni Katrina kaya nanghinayang ako.

Pagdating ko sa bahay, sobrang gutom ako. Gusto ko sanang kumain ng karne ng baka at uminom ng serbesa (kasi masarap siya kasama ng baka) sa restauran ng mga taga-Vietnam pero parang hindi ko na kayang maglakad ng siyam na kalye sa sobrang gutom. Kaya dito na lang ako sa bahay. Wala naman akong pagkain dito maliban sa maliliit na tilad ng patatas at yung kalamay ng mga Italyano na gawa sa krema at binalot ng tsokolate. Masarap siya pero gusto ko pa rin ng baka.

Kailangan ko nang matulog kasi gigising ako nang maaga bukas. Hindi ako puwedeng pumasok nang huli sa trabaho kasi masisisante na ako. Kutob ko may problema ako sa pangangasiwa ng oras. O siya. Nakakapagod pala magsalita ng tuwid na Tagalog.

P.S. Gusto ko lang ikuwento; kagabi, pinanood ko yung panayam ni Spike Jonze kay Fatlip. Kasama siya sa DVD ng mga gawa ni Spike Jonze. Si Fatlip ay dating miyembro ng Pharcyde, yung may astig na bidyo ng Drop. Sobrang naaliw ako sa kanya! At nagustuhan ko yung kanta niyang What's Up, Fatlip? At sinaliksik ko pa yung salita ng kanta sa pangkalawakang sapot para masabayan ko yung bidyo. Gusto ko siyang ikarga sa pantugtog ng musika na nadadala kung saan-saan!

You can't find nothing at all if there was nothing there all along



It gives me a funny feeling in the stomach knowing that I am slowly but surely destroying any lingering possibilities of ever having any kind of relationship with this boy that I can't seem to decide whether I like or not.

Different names for the same things



I have a new favorite spot. It's my own little secret spot in this vast metropolis. Well, my own little secret spot that I share with 50,000 other people, that is. It's a tiny Japanese garden slash pier-like structure overlooking the Jersey skyline in Battery Park City. People go there to eat or read or stare at the water but there seems to be an unspoken vow of silence. I sat on a bench beneath the shadow of a pole and ate my yogurt while watching the waves actually crash onto the thick beams supporting the wooden floor planks.

Lately, I have taken to picking up a yogurt parfait for lunch from the deli and taking it to any of the multitude of small parks in my area. I haven't had any coffee apart from my morning mocha for a week. On the walk back from the park, I get tea and sip it throughout the afternoon.

Today I discovered what happens when sudden caffeine withdrawal is combined with minimal nutrition and slumber. (I used to drink up to five cups a day.) I suddenly felt woozy in the middle of the afternoon and had to go up to the nurse, who is notorious for her lectures on the benefits of herbal tea. I could barely focus on her voice as she listed my shortcomings: too little sleep, too little exercise, poor nutrition. I didn't even mention the coffee as she shuddered at the horrible fact that I sometimes drank black tea in lieu of green, herbal or decaf. I was allowed to lie down for 20 minutes and was sent down with stern advice to sleep 7-8 hours, walk 30 minutes daily, eat lots of veggies, stop using cotton buds to clean my ears, shun Tylenol and take cough suppressant for my cold only if it keeps me up at night.

With that in mind, I shall bid thee fond adieu, Internet, as I've got plans to beat my alarm clock.

Facts versus romance

I don't know about you, but I put a lot into making these mixes. There's picking the songs, making sure that they flow and transition one onto the other smoothly, rearranging if they don't, listening to the finished product, and finally picking a picture to go with it. Sometimes I cut and paste lyrics to get a better feel.



1. I Melt With You - Nouvelle Vague
2. 5 on a Joyride - Cody Chestnutt
3. So Here We Are - Bloc Party
4. How To Be Dead - Snow Patrol
5. Japanese Gum - Her Space Holiday
6. Science vs. Romance - Rilo Kiley
7. I Don't Know What I Can Save You From - Kings of Convenience
8. These Days - Nico
9. You Know So Well - Sondre Lerche
10. The Way I Feel Inside - The Zombies
11. Only in Dreams - Weezer

Until there's nothing left to love
Until there's nothing left to say
I know that you need help
But even I can't save you from yourself

I'll cry if I want to

To offset all the angst, I'm happy to announce that my birthday went well. I am now twenty-five years old - single, unable to drive, guitar-less (broke a string trying to play an f'-in Goo Goo Dolls song), and a step above broke. But I'm happy. This year's birthday featured a five-or-six-course Chinese dinner, a surprise party, coordinated presents, surprise flowers, wake-up calls, and a hilarious video that I swear has a shot at winning that 10K America's Funniest Home Videos grand prize.

The way I feel inside



If I feel that I could be certain then I would say the things I want to say tonight.

These feelings are mountains

Kookaburra gay your life must be

My week-end rocked. Good weather - check. Friends - check. Fun activities - check.

I went fake camping - no tents and non-existent bathroom facilities this year because we stayed in motel-style cabins with AC and a bathroom in each room. We drove slowly as we got to the camp because there were deer crossing the street, their eyes reflecting our high beam headlights. The others who had gotten there earlier had set up the drums and instruments in the common room. Stayed up until 2 am playing any song we had the chords to.

On Saturday, played (and won) a basketball game. This is awesome because not many people ask me to join a basketball game because I run like a girl, eventhough I am a girl and I have a right to run like one. But this time, I scored (!) and stole the ball a few times. The trick is to be generally distracting by doing things such as having a conversation with your opponent and/or pretending to be harmless. I also joined the volleyball game but when I avoided the ball a couple of times I was replaced.

In the afternoon, we had a team-building thing, which was called a ropes course. The instructor made us do things that I never thought I'd do in a lifetime. Nothing vulgar. Just some TIGHTROPE-WALKING. And he also made us SCALE A TWELVE-FOOT WALL with no ropes or ladders. This is in caps because some of my friends reading this will say I lie like a rug. But this is 100% true. I thought the whole thing would be kind of cheesy, but it really is quite spectacular to do things that you never thought you could do.

I was the second lightest person in the group but I took the longest to climb the wall. Funnily enough, it was because of my propensity to follow instructions. I was clambering merrily atop my friends' shoulders, reaching out to grasp another friend's arm, when the instructor said, "Don't forget to use your elbows!" I said, "Oh, right," and quickly hooked my elbows. I hung by my elbows for five seconds with no clue how to hoist myself over. If you and your friends ever find yourself in the woods being chased by a black bear and you need to get over a wall, there is no standard position or steps that you need to follow. Just get over the freaking wall. It's kind of hard to think while you're hanging on a wall. Meanwhile, unless you're a gymnast or some kind of super human, you can't really hang by your elbows for a long period of time; they eventually give out. If you ever find yourself hanging for dear life by your elbows, the trick is to swing one of your legs over. And given a choice to get down via rope or ladder, always pick the rope because it is way cooler.

We also went fishing. We didn't catch anything because I think the fish in the lake were too smart for us. Then we went on an uneventful rowboat ride. Had a bonfire. Unknowingly stepped on a snake. Your usual camp stuff.

Also, I thought I would mention that we had a fire drill at the office on Friday. And holy canoli, yours truly is part of the Fire/Emergency Evacuation Team. It says so on the hat. I am supposed to search the female bathrooms and make sure no one is left behind in case of an emergency. Why anyone assigned me that task is beyond me.

But I am so feeling like an athlete/mountaineer/all-around stud so today I went and carbo-loaded and got fettuccini with bacon and mushrooms and a cream sauce for lunch.

Hello internet

In light of us being such chums this week (I feel like I can bare my soul to you), I shall now divulge some guilty pleasures. Gasp.

1. elginpark.com - Dreamy music from Michael Andrews, creator of the Donnie Darko and Me and You soundtracks.

2. Elyse Sewell's Livejournal - Elyse was in America's Next Top Model Cycle 1. I wanted her to win because she was so obviously smart and witty, like her LJ.

3. Oh Froz Fruit, boon of my summer existence - Just now I bought two of every kind - coconut, pina colada, melon, watermelon... Glorious!

4. Hashbrowns in a McDonald's Sausage and Egg McGriddle - Take McGriddle, open, insert hashbrown in between, reassemble. Inspired by burger with hashbrown from Ateneo foodstall.

))<>((

I saw Me and You and Everyone We Know last week at BAM after a quick stop at a Coldstone tucked into a corner of the Atlantic Mall.

I went into the theater having read a glowing review in Filmmaker so I had really high hopes for the movie. Miranda July is a multimedia artist and this is her first feature film. It came out of a screenwriters lab and a directors lab at Sundance and won numerous prizes at Cannes and Sundance.

Well, okay, before I'd read that Filmmaker Review and Feature, my cousins and I found ourselves in front of the IFC Center one Sunday night. A friend had dropped us off there prematurely because we had all feared going too far towards the direction of the Holland Tunnel and ending up in New Jersey where said friend lived. Me and You was playing. A week after, July's picture is on the cover of at least two magazines and the movie is mentioned in Flavorpill, a weekly email mag I subscribe to. It was like a collective message to go see the movie.

So I finally did. Movies written, directed and starred in by the same person always make me leery (hello, Vincent Gallo). I thought of it as extreme narcissism. On my way out of the movie theater, a guy gave his friend his one-sentence review, "Bad writing, bad acting, bad directing."

I liked it though. It's not going to be a classic. There are parts that make me cringe. Some scenes don't quite blend into the next one. And yet, I still think about the movie a week after seeing it. It has a plethora of beautiful images. The storyline is relatable. The characters are well thought out and endearing. I thought the actors really fit their roles, especially the 6-year-old kid who plays a 7-year-old (Listen to this priceless snippet of Brandon giving Miranda advice).

I think one of the reasons I like it is that it started out as a pet project, that turned into a script in a workshop, and then into a real movie. Suddenly, July finds herself with a producer, auditioning for actors, with 50 set people working to make her movie, being whisked off to other countries to receive awards and give interviews, getting hair and make-up done for shoots and whatnot. Yes, it's all very rags-to-riches romantic. I just like how I feel like all the people who worked on the movie gave it their all. I like how it's so heartfelt.

And in defense of the written-directed-acted-in aspect, I think all of us need validation. We all engage in self-affirming activities (hello blog). And if our self-affirmations create products that bring forth emotions from other people, then so be it.

Upcoming movies that may or may not be heartfelt as well: The Talent Given Us. Mirrormask - You have to watch this clip. From neva. Rent. The Baxter. March of the Penguins looks interesting in a documentary-of-migratory-birds way. Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs is currently shooting. Whew. More to come.

By the way, the Me and You soundtrack is awesome. In a check-it-out-right-now way. Yeah, if I had money, I'd buy it. After Songs for Silverman.
---
Two more of GMA's Cabinet members resigned. If Gloria quits, who's going to replace her, Noli de Castro? Anyway, I'm one to comment. I'm usually apathetic; it's sad.
---
It's funny how the first two letters of BOYS and BOLLOCKS are exactly the same. I'm going to sleep.

I'm missing you like hurricanes

You know how it is. You had a bad day at work. Your nerves are frayed because you're addicted to coffee. You know you should quit, but you'll never get through the day without it. You feel like you're going to have a heart attack at 25. Maybe this is a sign from God that I should quit my job, you say. But you don't think God would want you to go hungry or leave bills unpaid, either. You're feeling too angst-ridden lately, like a bad emo anthem.

Well, with friends like these, it doesn't really matter how shitty your day was.

My friends have serious shit-blocking powers via emails and a heartwarming blog entry that circumnavigate the world and hit the spot.

Drey, whom I met in high school and have been friends with for over ten years, is in Japan exploring possibilities. If you think that sounds kick-ass, well, you're right because she is.

Bodge, who made college so much better, quit her corporate job and went to med school. She is so freakishly cool, you forget she has an insanely huge heart.

Girls, I wish I had your guts and your admirable conviction. Not to mention your stunning good looks. Hello!

I miss you so.

Headlines

Latest London death toll: 37. 700 injured.

Investigators pick through carnage

US mass transit alert goes orange

Translated statement of responsibility

Eight Philippine ministers quit.

Okay, fine

So I woke up Thursday feeling fine and dandy as I had the day off, took a long train ride to La Guardia, and got dropped off at the wrong terminal. You can hardly blame me, it's very confusing. Deep in my heart of hearts I know I should have insisted that the cabbie bring me back to Terminal B. Instead I got off at C, frantic that Deo was all alone at some gate in the middle of a bustling airport terminal, and after much hand-wringing and brow-furrowing, caught a bus to B, where I found Deo alive and unharmed. Then we had dinner at my fave resto.

Friday, we went to Ground Zero, Battery Park, the Met, MOMA, Guggenheim, had dinner with my cousin, and watched Avenue Q. Made pretty good time seeing as we walked/took the train everywhere and I am not handy with maps. But. As Deo put it, it's impossible to get lost. Yeah, only idiots like me do. Avenue Q is still spectacular the second time around. I was disappointed that a noticeably thinner Asian girl played Christmas Eve, but she was very good.

Saturday, we took a three-hour train ride to Montauk! Inspired by curiosity brought about by repeated viewings of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It's not that bad. It's a bit cold on the train so if you plan to do this, bring outerwear of some kind. Montauk is the last stop on the L.I.R.R. The plan was to go to the Montauk Point Lighthouse on the tip of the island. Obviously, it looks a little different in the movie by virtue of the absence of snow and conversely, the presence of hordes of pale people staking out their own little spot on the sand. We took a cab/van that smelled of algae, driven by a tour guide kind of guy with a slight Midwestern accent, with ten other people. The lighthouse itself is picture perfect. It used to be surrounded by a lot more solid ground but water erroded most of the soil and it is in danger of literally being swept out to sea, the Atlantic Ocean in this case. However, a local woman rallied to save the lighthouse and boulders have been lined up to form a sea wall and the slope has been reshaped to look like the Banaue rice terraces. The tower itself, probably visible from Connecticutt and Rhode Island, is lit by a 40-watt bulb. It has 137 steep steps, and I have the bruises to prove it. We had lunch at a restaurant where an aggressive seagull was hanging out. On the way home, we dropped by the Amagansett Farmer's Market to visit friends and their 9-month-old baby, whom we took out to dinner when she was a mere 11 days old.

Sunday, I met Deo at the Met and we went to St. Patrick's, Rockefeller, Times Square and the Empire State observatory. We chuckled at the Skyride people enticing everyone to pay twice as much to get into the building to go on their motion-simulation ride before they closed the Empire State. No thank you, we will gladly stand in line for two hours, thank you very much. And none of those audio guides or pictures taken against drab backgrounds. The bare essentials, that's it. Besides, we were standing in line with a group of old ladies who had already made my day. The observatory did not disappoint. Afterwards, we met up with the cousins and a friend and stood in line for another hour to have dessert.

Monday, I brought Deo to the airport, took the bus all alone to Queens Mall, met up with cousins, and went bowling. I rarely go bowling as I tend to embarrass myself with the little dances that I have to do as the ball makes its way down the lane. These have no proven effects on the ball's path, but I feel as if they do. I did so enjoy the game, which may have been the most physical exertion I've had since the last snowstorm. Afterwards, we went on the Dance Dance Revolution machine in the arcade, where I met a really cute guy. His name was Daniel and he said I had to pump the gas pedal twice for the nitrous. He challenged - and beat - me on the Malibu racetrack, where I must have died about ten times. He also beat my cousin. He said he worked there and came to the bowling lanes every day. He was very cute, except that he had to ask his Dad for a dollar several times, which sort of cramped his style. He also hit my cousin and I for quarters. Well, I guess when you're seven you don't really have that much disposable income.

On the way home, the fireworks started as my train was passing over the bridge. It lasted about a minute before the train went under the tunnel. It made a very nice ending to my very nice week-end.

It was nice having Deo around. I wish we could have gone to see a lot more places or just sat at the Met for a longer time. Deo is my shmartypants friend who, when we were 15, said that if the dorm burned down, he'd save his thesis. He works with crystals, which seems mystical, except that they're protein crystals, and therefore require a certain kind of genius.

It's 11 p.m., so I guess I'll watch Safe instead of Das Boot.

Riders on the right won't you help me

I was thinking maybe I could do such useful things as catch up on my movie backlog (films lent to me or rented that I need to watch for maximum turnover) or study for the GMAT that I might or might not take. Or maybe I can redesign my site or upload thousands of photos on flickr that I've still got on my camera. But no, I'd rather sit here and wander aimlessly through the internet.

In other news, Deo was in town for the week-end and we had a blast. Will post pictures, depending on procrastination levels tomorow.

In other other news, I will be posting posts with Beulah lyrics for titles for a significant amount of time.

Light series


My friend's bathroom was huge and dark.


Searching for a subway station, I turned a corner and took this.


My curtains


My kitchen curtains


Dieter Roth





July 4th, last year



Grand Central Station



the Guggenheim



Camping. Funny how the color of the sky is similar to the color of the sky in the city picture.


Dreary sky


My living room, ladies and gentlemen.


Mirror shot


Taken out of the window of a moving cab


The light in the computer room, which is currently bulbless

I don't love you to death
But I'd die if you left

1. Goodbye to Love - American Music Club
2. Love for Granted - Phoenix
3. Julia - Chocolate Genius
4. Girls Singing - Mates of State
5. Everywhere - Polaris
6. Everytime I Try - that dog
7. Mountains of Love - Juliana Hatfield
8. What I Could Stand For - Mates of State
9. Night is the Day Turned Inside Out - Beulah
10. Toxic Girl - Kings of Convenience
11. Ce Matin Le - Air
12. My Girlfriend's Boyfriend - Her Space Holiday
13. This is the Dream of Evan and Chan - Dntel
14. Being Tyler - Lambchop
15. When the Wind Blows - Dear Nora
16. Only in Dreams - Weezer
17. Move On - Rentals
18. Sleep on Needles - Sondre Lerche
19. Telephone Wires - Mirah
20. Luna - Smashing Pumpkins
21. Until the Day I Die - that dog

What I could stand for

Why can I never like boys I should like? I have an aversion to kind good-natured boys interested in me. I'm suddenly extremely mean and haughty. I make myself as unlikable as possible.

Now, boys a thousand miles away. Boys who are off limits. Boys who are charming but are clearly, how should I say, jerks. Those boys I like.

I always want what I can't have.

Nothing out of nothing

But that is the beauty of blogging.

So, instead of getting into bed so I can wake up early to get my shoes rubber-bottomized ($30 Fornarinas - score!) so that I can wear it to a wedding without sliding all the way to New Jersey, I will list men I find myself strangely drawn to:

1. Tim Canterbury a.k.a. Martin Freeman

2. Tony Leung - like a young Ferdinand Marcos in the picture on his website

3. John Leguizamo in this picture

4. Steve Buscemi

5. John Cameron Mitchell

6. Hunter S. Thompson, as played by Johnny Depp in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

7. And while we're at it, Benicio del Toro

I would have added Alexander Hamilton to this list, except that Sarah Brown said he's a total emo guy who has no morals. She also likes John Leguizamo and hates Conor Oberst.

Okay.

Hello resolven

I was just thinking the other day how much I miss Brownman Revival - specifically, watching Brownman Revival play with my friends. I was craving Golden Krust Jamaican beef patties. I think I'm seriously addicted. It's almost embarrassing the way I look forward to Wednesdays and Sundays when I get my fix, always from the same counter lady, who I fear already recognizes me. I scoured iTunes for Pass the Dutchie. Little tidbit: It's actually supposed to be pronounced "pass se coochie" if you want to be authentic. Andrea and I used to moon over Dino Ignacio and the way he always looks stoned and dances like an idiot. Ah, those were the days. BMR is coming out with an album soon.

With that, I shall post some random links from my check-this-out list:

1. Revolver isn't a movie yet but the trailer looks like it could be a good one.

2. This is hypnotizing and trance-inspiring.

3. Yuko Shimizu's illustrations are reminiscent of old postcards yet decidedly modern.

4. I've always wanted a Roomba (the red looks sexy). It appeals to my domestic instincts without overrunning my laziness. These guys actually took apart a Roomba and attached a web player to it. Whoa.

5. Hey, if you didn't go to a Catholic all-girls school where they brainwash you into writing in the same loopy or sharp-edged style, this might be useful.

RIP

Juline Yandog

PSHS-WV '98
PMA '03

Fine, fine time

1)Name the Things You Have Bought Today:
- I had coffee for breakfast, a chicken quesadilla for lunch, various beverages, a slice of mushroom pizza for dinner.

2)Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
-- Water, coffee, tea, juice.

3)Last Time You Cried ?
-- Tuesday, while reading a book

4)What's In Your CD Player ?
-- I haven't been using my CD player lately. The Avenue Q soundtrack is playing on my iPod.

5)What's Under Your Bed ?
-- Piano pieces, shoes, Christmas cards for next year, my rollerblades, and I suspect a lot more.

6)Time You Wake Up Today?
-- 7:30

7)Current hair:
-- Long. I need at least 15 inches for Locks of Love.

8)Current Clothes?
-- Blue reversible striped tank, chiffon blouse with yellow tulip print, chocolate brown slacks, khaki blazer

9)Current Desktop Picture?
-- Me and Rocs at the recollection seven years ago.

10)Current Worry?
-- Tomorrow's month-end and I want to get to work by 9 am, but I have to watch Ashes of Time tonight and I'm procrastinating by blogging!

11)Current Hate?
-- One of my toes is bleeding. No sign of wound. (?)

12)Favorite Places To Be?
-- Battery Park, at a diner eating a huge breakfast on Saturday mornings, Alexander Hamilton's grave

13)Least Favorite Place?
-- subway stations at 2 am

14)If You Could Play An Instrument, what would it be?
-- I play some instruments, but I would love to learn to play the cello.

15)Favorite Color(s)?
-- green

16)How Tall Are You?
-- 5'1''

17)Current Favorite Word/s?
-- Cool, Estas seguro?, True

18)One wish that came true:
-- That my three-day class would be fun

19)Favorite Day?
-- Friday

20)Where Would You Like To Go Right Now?
-- I'd really like to go to bed

21)Where Do you want to live when you get married?
-- Probably in the suburbs

22)Favorite foods?
-- Currently, Jamaican beef patties, desserts at Serendipity

23)Color of most clothes you own:
-- white, black, green

24)Number of pillows you sleep w/?
-- 3

25)What do you wear when you go to sleep?:
-- Pajamas

26)What were you doing 12AM last night:
-- Talking to friends and eating cheesecake

27)How old will you be in 10 yrs:
-- 34. Whoa.

28)What do you think you'll be doing in 10 years?
-- Working hard

29)Do you have braces?
-- Not anymore.

30)Are you paranoid?!
-- I can be.

31)Do you burn or tan?
-- Midway between burn and tan.

32)what is the brand of your wallet?
-- Kenneth Cole

33)Your alarm clock?
-- Aiwa

34)Your phone?
-- Nokia

35.)your bag?
-- My favorite spring bag is from Gap,

36)t.v?
-- Sony

37)First real memory of something?
-- lying on a hammock with pillows on our porch in Sagay

38)First screen name?
-- Hobbes

39)First piercing/tattoo?
-- Ears.

40)First enemy?
-- Yikes, the boys who lived across the street who used to tease my sister and I because we were so much fatter than they were.

41)Last library book checked out?
-- I haven't checked out a library book in a long time. I've been rereading Jessica Zafra's Twisted books.

42)Last person you yelled at?
-- I don't usually yell.

43)Last crush?
-- This guy from my class who always tied his answers to the day's topic.

44)Last CD/song played?
-- There's a Fine, Fine Line (between love and a waste of time)

45)Last fud you ate?
-- Pizza

46)Last annoyance?
-- I couldn't find my metrocard in my mess of a bag and missed the train.

47)Last disappointment?
-- I thought I didn't articulate myself well enough in class.

48)Last thing written by hand?
-- Worksheet in class.

49)Last words spoken?
-- Good night

50)Last ice cream eaten?
-- Mango. I think I'll have some now.

Pulling taffy

To the person who wrote "Man, what is happening to your writing" in the comments page three times (I'm sorry easyspace and yaccs suck), I have this to say:

Dude, I don't know.

I just haven't felt like writing that much lately. Well, that's not entirely true. I've been writing constantly in my journal, mostly detailed accounts of my day - with mundane facts like what size caramel macchiato I had or what the cute Asian guy said to me in the elevator. Basically, my journal looks like it did ten years ago.

My short bout with angsty depression is over. Nothing that a little shopping trip can't cure. There's a new Daffy's in the Financial District and I found not one, not two, but three cute little dresses that I just might not return.

I've always found it easy to recover. In senior year high school I failed a Physics exam and felt that surely, the world was going to end. I locked myself in the girls' bathroom with a compass, not entirely sure what I was planning to do. I mean, I wasn't going to stab myself with it; it was rusty. So I sat on the floor for about half an hour and cried, then I went to the cafeteria and had a chocolate bar, and I was okay. Deep down, we're all drama queens.

That's not to say that what I, or anybody else for that matter, was depressed about was insignificant. It's good to wallow, and at that moment what one feels is genuine and may even be necessary. But life goes on bra.

This week-end, I went to a cousin's cousin's fourteenth birthday. Three years ago, we took JR to see Lord of the Rings. We were late for the screening and didn't have time to get dinner, so we got 11-year-old JR M&M's from the vending machine to tide him over. It turns out he was allergic to peanuts. Now, he is taller and can take care of himself, thank you. At the party, I teased him mercilessly until he finally asked me to dance. I feel like a proud mom.

Tomorrow, I am going to a management training class, probably with a bunch of AVPs and ATs. I'll probably be the youngest in the class, or the only one without a title. There'll be play-acting and case study discussions and lots of group work. Eww. Maybe I won't even make it to the class. I'm terrified I'll come in two minutes late and the door will be locked and I'd have to knock, or maybe I'll take the wrong train or go to the wrong building.

Obla-di, obla-da.

I am so young. I know nothing about love. Nothing.

How to be dead

It's not that I've lost interest. It's just that I haven't felt like writing lately. True, one reason may be that I have things going on that are keeping me away from my keyboard. But then again, maybe I've just found other equally time-consuming diversionary tactics. I've seen tons of movies this week. I'm finally beginning to reach my optimum netflix turnover. I've played every cheesy pop song from the 90's on the piano. I spent two nights going through every guitar tab I've saved on my computer. More often than not I find myself having to force myself to face the issues. I think the only reason I'm blogging right now is that I'm supposed to be looking at schools. And so here I am, taking quizzes like my life depended on it, rather than focusing on the things that my life actually depends on. I will forever be a procrastrinator.

At least I've found out things about myself. That frees up my soul-searching week-ends for laundry and other practical diversions. This is what I've found out so far:

1. I am Pulp Fiction's Jimmy. You're just a regular everyday kinda guy, stuck in a movie about drugs. What are you doing here? You're uptight and worry too much, but have good motives. You are generous and hospitable.
2. You're Mother Night by Kurt Vonnegut. Nobody knows what to believe about you, and you know least of all. You spent most of your time convinced that the ends justify the means, but your means were, well, downright mean! And the end is nigh. Meanwhile all you want is to travel back in time, if not to change, then to just delight in the way it used to be. You are who you pretend to be. Oh yes, you're the great pretender.
3. You're Libya! It seems that these days, you just say things to get attention. Shock value is the really important thing for you now. You used to have
a cause, and this made you seem like a threat to the established order, but now you
just want to say wacky stuff once in a while. Air travel doesn't really mesh
with your lifestyle, and you'd probably scare the security guards somehow
anyway.
4. My inner child is sixteen years old today. Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while adults might just accept that, I know something's gotta change. And it's gonna change, just as soon as I become an adult and get some power of my own.
5. The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot. God, you're indecisive. You're not that great, but you don't know if you want to accept that. You appreciate beauty and observe things others may not, but you're also hopelessly impaled on your own foolish romanticism. Go you.
6. You Should Date A Swede! You're a romantic, albeit an understated and practical one. It's more about a steady partnership for you, not unrestrained falling. Your Swede will give you the unwavering love you crave while making up some mean pancakes and meatballs on the side!
7. You Are Big Black Boots! You can be best described as: attitude. You've got lots of it - and you love to give it. A guy has to be pretty gusty to hit on you. But if he's your type, you'll warm up... a little.
8. You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy. When a guy gets to know you, he finds a great catch. Problem is... you're too shy for most guys to get to know.
From meeting someone to dating, you usually have your guard up. And while you're just holding back, it makes you seem like you've got something to hide.
9. You're like the nucleus of the cell! You know everything because you contain all of the cell's information for building proteins in the form of DNA. Isn't that cool?
10. You're a Speak & Spell!! You nerd, you. Just because you were disguised as a toy doesn't mean you weren't educational, you sneaky bastard.
11. You are a GRAMMAR GOD! If your mission in life is not already to preserve the English tongue, it should be. Congratulations and thank you!
12. You're ASSHOLE.
13. Weapons are not your thing. You would prefer to pummel your opponent to death with your fists and feet. You show a lot of Honor but some power still eludes you. I can give you this power, I can make you stronger, join me.
14. You are a packet of soy sauce. No, not a bottle, and not real soy sauce, but that flavored colored, salt water they call soy sauce. You're not giving life your all, are you? Somethings holding you back. Somethings keeping you form truly being happy. You've been diluted. Not the true you. Find what's distilled you, and be real soy sauce one day.
15. Your Lip Gloss Flavor Is: Cotton Candy. You're a total girly girl who's every guy is sweet on. You take pleasure in the simple things in life, from cute t-shirts to stuffed animals. Any guy needs to match your romantic idealism to win your heart, which is why few have. No wonder Cotton Candy is your signature flavor. It's delicious, sugary, and fun - like you!
16. You Are 60% Left Brained, 40% Right Brained. The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.
17. Your Brain is 53.33% Female, 46.67% Male. Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female. You are both sensitive and savvy. Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed. But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve.

So there. That should save me about a year's worth of therapy. Some are so accurate, it's scary. Some are vague. Some are useful (finally, a clue as to what my mission in life is). Some remind me of high school. And ah yes, some light is shed on how I should vanquish my foes. Some are downright untrue (Hello, number 15).

Meanwhile, I shall go and be real soy sauce.

Tons of quizzes at blogthings.com, yournewromance.com, quizdiva.net.

How can you mend a broken heart?

I love how Al Green sounds so desperately forlorn in this song, how his syllables are long and drawn out with vibrato, like he's in real pain.

Sometimes it's good to wallow in the depths of sadness. If you're feeling depressed, go ahead and watch a tearjerker while clutching a pint of Ben & Jerry's, and then listen to the The Virgin Suicides soundtrack.

All together now: ... Aaaannnd... How can you mend a broken hhhheeart? How can you stop the rain - ... from falling?

** I found this forgotten draft that I wrote a month ago.

Hello 2005



As always, when I'm feeling particularly tired or jaded, I turn to Banana Yoshimoto. In this way, I've read Kitchen, maybe, nine times. Always I find something so wise and true that I feel infinitely better afterwards.



This time it was, "Being an adult means learning to live with ugly ambiguities," or something to that effect.



Inspite of ugly ambiguities one had to learn to live with in 2004, one still manages to find little moments - little surges of happiness - in everyday things.



Like when I'm on the train and that line on Belle & Sebastian's Lord Anthony: "You may as well take it in the guts, it can't get worse...Just take it in the guts, it can't get worse than this...," plays on my iPod at just the right moment.



Just today, standing in line at Dunkin' Donuts for my morning coffee, a little boy came up to me and stuck a sticker on my jacket, giving my chest two vigorous pats to make sure the sticker covered up the Nautica logo. It was a picture of a drop of blood and it said, "I HAD A BLOOD TEST TODAY." I said thanks. Later, he came up to me again and said, "I went to the doctor today and I feel a little better." That made my week-end, at least.



And right now it's snowing without showing any signs of stopping. The weather report says 12-18 inches and possibly, 6-foot drifts. Hello 2005.